Hijinks At Work, Part Deaux

The girl's mother went on at length about what a terrible attitude she had and how ungrateful she was. I really felt like slapping her. And for all her irrational paranoia of me getting those kids drunk, it turned out they smuggled their own liquor in. A waiter told me today.

So we had an old women's group in yesterday. Black women. Most were 70 years & above. They have this function once a year. Last year was totally botched. I was a little surprised they gave us a second chance. We didn't do much better.

It was equally comical & embarrassing. I'm always the first one in because I have to set up the bar. The waiters set up the dining area the day before. I laughed at the notion of getting a name tag that says "Somebody." These women always turn me into their personal assistant because I'm the one they see. "Can someone have this area cleaned up?" "Can someone get us some water?" "Can someone get more plates?" That "someone" is me.

But the manager we have now is usually pretty organized. He must have figured he could do much better than the guy he replaced. Problem there is it wasn't that guy who dropped the ball last time. It was the same assistant manager we still have now. It's a champagne brunch thing & the assistant manager flubbed it really bad. Over 200 people were supposed to subsist on maybe 12 to 18 bottles of champagne. I practically had to kick him out the door to go get more. He returned with the wrong brand. That guy is too scared to make a decision & be a useful asset. Not sure why they keep him.

So the new (actually returned) manager thought he had this pegged. It was one of the worst fuster clucks I've ever been involved with. The old ladies would order their champagne a half hour before they wanted it because they remembered last year & somehow twisted that into if they order & pay for it now, we have to reserve it for them later. We had over 50 bottles of champagne this time. I have no credit card terminal. The manager was running back & forth to the main bar to process the transactions. Every purchase (by his system) had to be processed every time they ordered. Then the old ladies had numbered the tables in a peculiar way. 1, 2, 16, 23, 3, 15, 19, 9, etc. Lucky lottery numbers? As I was trying to help out, ways of improving this were constantly on my mind. When I interviewed for the job I was asked to name an incident from a previous bartending gig that I was proud of. I told them quite candidly there was one time at the Hilton when I contravened orders & took charge of a disastrous situation & the fourth night of a convention went off without a hitch. The manager actually came in & started to question me & I told him to fuck off. Go putt in your office, James. I'm running things tonight. He ran away & the host of the convention approached me at the end of the night & asked who was responsible for the evening.

"Me. Why?"

He held out his hand to shake mine.

"To tell you the truth, the first three nights were a total disaster. This evening was smooth as silk."

"Thank you."

"What's you name? I'm filling out a comment card on you."

If we're both still there next year...

We need six servers. One will set up shop right next to the bar & be responsible for the champagne, ice, & keeping me stocked.

Make out a master list. Put it in numerical order. This way we can keep track of who is ordering what.

Have the old ladies (or their server) leave their credit cards with this guy. He can put these in alphabetical order or numerical order. But they LEAVE the cards with this guy. No running back & forth on every order. Very inefficient.

Take the lead old lady to the back & show her how much champagne we have. This is to relieve her anxiety over our supply. She can spread the word.

Assign food servers to certain tables. We don't do that like restaurants do. You can get by with maybe five waiters if you do this simple thing. The guests WILL attempt to get anyone passing by something for them. They're OLD, for God's sake. They won't get it. A simple introduction at the beginning of the festivities should help out in this regard. "Hi. I'm Jose & will be your server today." Then do NOT allow yourself to get sucked in by frantically waving hands at other tables. Communicate with each other. "Table 15 needs you." That's all it takes. We had people running from one side of the dining room to the next. There must have been 8 or 9 employees involved. Mayhem. It was mayhem.

Towards the end of the day the manager can go table to table to ask if they enjoyed their brunch & can we get you anything else. If they say yes - we loved it, but no, we're okay now. Then ask the person who's been ordering for their table if they would like to close out their tab. He can run fix or six cards at a time this way. Just go back to the guy running the champagne bar for their card & take a look at the master list for what they had. Put a post-it on the card & take it to the main bar to process.

We would have no little old ladies sloshing around with ice buckets & champagne bottles. No one would get lost because table 13 ordered a bottle of champagne & wanted it delivered & no one knows where the hell table 13 is.

Yeah, watching the meltdown was mildly amusing. Ultimately though it was embarrassing. I made a whole $27.00. The manager wanted me to go table to table asking if they wanted more coffee or juice. Give me some credit here, pal. I'm not wading in there for $27.00. You don't want to give me a percentage of the party. This is what you get. I pretended to help out a little. Actually did. But I ran when I saws those waving hands. Hell no!

Just thought of something that should have occurred to me at the time. I was just so mad & used to his bullshit.

He claims to have thought the event began at 2:30 & not 2:00. What kind of a 'manager' shows up right on the dot of an event & not early to make sure everything is okay? I show up 15 minutes early & I'm just a bartender. I was there when a waiter called him & told him we were out of ice. The ice machine has been down for over a week. Did he want me serving warm chardonnay? Because that's what happened.

Now I'm kinda hoping he's as dumb as I think he is & presses the issue.

An example of his escapism from taking responsibility happened that very shift. Towards the end I asked how much longer I should keep the bar open. He said he would ask the customer right now. He disappeared for twenty minutes, came back & asked if I had given last call yet. Hehe. Funny. Like I would do ANY part of HIS job after what he had just said to me.

"Golly, no. I was waiting for you."

At that point he realized he would actually have to interact with a customer & she said to go ahead & close the bar. I recognized her as a woman I had spoken to at the very beginning. She asked me how it works.

"Do they get the wine & beer..."

"Yes. Wine, beer, sodas & juice are all hosted. If they want hard liquor they have to pay."

"Good!"

Shit. I'm already the assistant manager. It snuck up on me.

Your chest pains were probably anxiety which would've faded by themselves.  They were brought on by the stress of the moment.  Your doc prescribing you valium or any depressant was, I hate to say it, a scam.  

BTW, who's your new girlfriend?

Btw - I was taking Klonopin before. The doctor said Valium was longer lasting.

The girl is presently Cody Bellinger's girlfriend. We'll see about that though.

5:23 for 5:30 wedding. No idiot sighting yet. I'm set up & waiting.